The Knowing by Sharon Cameron

Author:Sharon Cameron
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.

Beauty, peace, prosperity, and justice. These are the gifts of the perfect society, what those of memory will bring to the Superior Earth. But the greatest of these must be justice, because from it flow the other three, and to receive that justice, there must be chosen a judge …

FROM THE NOTEBOOK OF JANIS ATAN

Annis, don’t you think it would be best to let them sleep?” I say. I’m slicing a loaf of thick bread. There’s one for every day of the dark stocked on Annis’s shelf, and slicing it is my one learned skill in food preparation. The preparation I haven’t done is getting Jillian and Beckett ready for the Outside, and I’m not sure how well the Earth and the Outside are going to mix. “Jillian hasn’t been well,” I go on. “And the rations … ”

“They sleep in my house, they can eat at my table,” Annis replies, smiling at my reluctance. “And I’ve already sent in Luc and Ari. They’re awake. And I’ve worked out the rations.”

Which means the neighbors are sharing. And then I see Beckett coming out of the resting room. My knife slows. His face is rough, hair mussed, and he lifts one hand, mouths the word “Hi” before Annis whisks him off, showing him the way to the latrines and the water and soap. I slice bread faster, insides twisting into a nervous knot.

Beckett Rodriguez knows everything about me now. Only Nita has ever known as much, and there were things in that book I never told even her. The feeling is uncomfortable. Vulnerable. Exactly what my mother warned me of when I wasn’t controlling my face. But it’s also … freeing. I caught one corner of Beckett’s smile as he followed Annis out, a smile that yes, he knew, and that yes, it was still all right.

And then I’m thinking that if I go back Underneath, that if I somehow manage to succeed in everything I’m trying to do, that I will Forget that smile ever existed. I feel the ache of a loss that hasn’t even happened yet.

I am so ruined. But there’s no reason that anyone has to know about it.

We sit. Beckett, Jillian, and Nathan on one side of the table, Grandpapa, Annis, and me on the other, the boys on the ends, Jasmina in her mother’s lap. The benches are full, cramped, and there’s a hole in this table at least a kilometer wide. I’ve never sat here without Nita, and I’m not the only one feeling it. Memories of her swirl, sometimes reach up and nudge, tugging. But I’ve just slept, and it’s always easier to control memories when I’ve rested. It won’t be later. I love this house, and being inside it is difficult.

Annis serves each plate bread and dried fruits, preserves, the last of the greens, working out the portions according to the rations. Bread lands on my plate, and I open my mouth to protest, but Annis speaks first.

“When did you eat? Has it been more than two days?”

I close my mouth.

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